HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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