1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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