The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
