I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize