Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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