Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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