Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
