I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
