omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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