My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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