Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
