She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
