So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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