NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
