the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
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