I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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