You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
