Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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