evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
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