No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
