Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
