I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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