She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you will always have a special place in my vag
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
