I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
