you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You dont lie about slip and slides
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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