and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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