You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
