I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
