i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
