he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
