i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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