I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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