two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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