please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
