the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
