I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
