Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
