You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Small penises have feelings too.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
