I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
