i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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