you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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