I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You took a bar mat shot.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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