Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
