When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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