you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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