i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
