just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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