Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
