I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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