I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
