she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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