Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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