I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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