the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
