It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
