I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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