I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
