suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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