Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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