Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Even my vagina gasped.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
