Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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