this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Please don't give away my fajitas
tell me about the eggs
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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