Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
