The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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