i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize