wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
