I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
