Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
