She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
