I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
