if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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