i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
there was a trapeze. enough said
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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