my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
