In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I can tuck mytits in my pants
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
