my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
