Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
