tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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