i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
