can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize