I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
