Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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