Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she pinky promised me she was 18
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
