Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
