ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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