you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Randomize
